FEP43 Self Acceptance

Show Notes:

Kathleen and Rochana talk about fully loving and accepting ourselves, foibles and all. What holds us back from accepting ourselves without conditions? Shame, judgement, unworthiness, and comparison-itis rear their shadowy heads. But there are some lovely and transformational flower essences that help us let go of those things in order to see and appreciate our true, authentic selves.

Audio:

Video:

Flower Essences discussed during the show:

Suggestions:

Matt Kahn – website

Show Transcript

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:00:18]

Hey, flower lovers. It’s really good to be back here with you in The Flower Essence podcast. Today we are going to be talking about self-acceptance, and this is a topic that we’ve– as we had been preparing to talk about it just now before we got on recording, we were talking about how much of a challenge this is, and especially since starting to think about it and plan for this episode, I know I’ve been beginning a little dance with my own issues around this. And I think it’s a little bit like making an essence when we get ready to work with the spirit of a plant, we start to experience the lessons, and sometimes those are the fun lessons and sometimes they’re the harder lessons. So we wanted to talk about this really important process of learning to appreciate ourselves and accept ourselves and developing self kindness. So it’s a big topic. Let’s just see where we go with this and see what happens. It’s good to be back with you, Ro.

Rochana Felde: [00:01:49] Yeah, great. Great to be back after our little winter break. And yeah, I also want to say the synchronicity what you’re saying, when we want to talk about a subject, all the things come up for us. And it also happens with our clients and with working with clients. And it’s something that happens over and over again. It’s so funny that either a client will bring up a subject that then becomes something I notice more or vice versa. And in this case, I got a newsletter from Matt Kahn, who I subscribed to a while back, and he had a video, sort of transmission/meditation where there was some really profound statements in the way he talked about self-acceptance. He asked the question or gave the invitation that said, Can you love yourself exactly as you are right now, equal to the idealized version that you wish you were or that you have been or that you’re working really hard to become?

And I just thought that was so profound because it brought to me some real realizations about this concept of conditional self-love. And lo and behold, my next client, after I heard that, this was the subject that we talked about and that I formulated for, that she had brought. So that synchronicity seems to always come up. And so I hope that with our podcast, when these things are coming up for us or that we’re bringing them forward from our clients, they’re also the right timing for those of you who are listening whenever you are listening to it.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:03:46] Agreed. And it is the beginning of the new year, and a lot of people spend time making resolutions, whether it’s, you know, the classic New Year’s resolution that lasts until roughly January 2nd, if not, you know, dies earlier. But just reflecting on ourselves and like, where have we been? Where are we going? And so many of us have that acceptance that ends in a, “Yes, but.” Right? You know, like, “I’m perfectly happy with my weight as it is, except I’d really appreciate if it were less,” or whatever it might be. We have so many– we have so many things to compare ourselves to, and it’s so toxic. Comparing my individual expression as a human being on this planet with my history and my life and all the things that I’ve experienced and putting that up against an idealized version of a celebrity or an influencer or whatever, man, there is no way that you’re going to come up and go, “Yeah, I’m totally better than that,” so.

Rochana Felde: [00:04:55] Absolutely. And, you know, just to ground the definition of self-acceptance, about what it means, you know, Merriam-Webster’s says, it’s the act or state of accepting oneself, of understanding and recognizing one’s own abilities and limitations. So the limitations, that’s the part of, if we don’t look at and accept our limitations, we’re not practicing self acceptance. And there’s even a quote by someone named Linda Arnold, who I don’t know who it is, but it was in the Merriam Webster’s dictionary as part of this definition that says, in each moment you’re either practicing self-acceptance or you’re judging yourself and, you know, that kind of perfectly explains it very concisely.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:05:47] And doesn’t it come down to that word, practice. Caring for yourself, self kindness, self appreciation is a practice. We have to keep paying attention to it. It’s not that we’re going to get it set and done and never have to worry about it again. It’s an ongoing thing, especially if you’ve got some old voices that are telling you that you’re not good enough or whatever it might be, they’re going to come up periodically, even after you’ve done a lot of work. I was really reflecting on, as we were preparing for this, the levels that were returning for me. I have really had a lifelong struggle with shame and feeling like there’s something wrong with me and that there’s– you know, I’m not good enough, and that’s part of my journey and process. And so I know this feeling really intimately.

And I have worked deeply and for a long term with Pine to help with this and have found, you know, extraordinary relief. I mean, oh my God, I’m a whole different person than I was once. And yet, it returns to say, “hi” every once in a while. And as we were– you know, as we’ve been focusing on this topic, I’ve been sort of looking at this again. I’m really grateful to say it hasn’t been consuming like it has been in the past. And there’s some level that with essences, once we’ve been working with essences for a while, we start to see almost a metacognitive level of these experiences where I can see myself having that feeling. I can feel it, but I’m not identified with it. And so it’s still there and I’m still working with it, but it’s not overwhelming like it once was. So there’s some real advantage to that, to not being buried in this experience, but just to remember and like, oh, oh, it’s still part of who I am and I can still– boy, does it help make me feel more compassionate to somebody experiencing that because I know just how much that sucks.

Rochana Felde: [00:07:58] Yeah. And we talked a lot about Pine and your Pine story on the Shame episode we did a few episodes back. So it’s such a powerful essence to bring into this kind of work. And another thing that you were talking about with that meta-awareness, I mean, that’s so key to this work in cultivating that mindfulness of what your internal narrative is, for example, your self narrative. And you know, so we want to catch ourselves in negative self-talk in our self narrative. And so acceptance doesn’t mean accepting those things. It means accepting yourself and loving yourself no matter what. But we can work on also changing our narrative without denying our experience.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:09:03] And there’s a generosity that we can bring to these internal conversations, because there’s a part of us that is expressing this opinion. There’s the inner critic, sometimes we might call, these voices that we hear in our heads. And if we are constantly yelling at them to shut up, which is oftentimes how we approach these voices or these parts of ourselves that are crying out for help, you know, that critic is probably there to try to keep you safe, you know, because social shame and social outcast may have been an experience that you had, and by showing up as yourself or expressing yourself in a certain way, it wasn’t acceptable. And so a lot of times our inner critic is there to try to help keep us from getting ourselves in that spot again. Now, it’s a toxic voice, but it’s also a part that needs to be met with compassion. So to me, there’s a little wiggle room in there of hearing that voice, “Oh, I hear what you have to say to me, and I hear that you’re trying to keep me safe, and also, there’s no danger here and I am okay.”

And so working with essences that help with that critical voice can be really valuable to offer. You know, offering an essence to that voice so that that voice can relax and can then take that burden off of your expression into the world. I just love Liard Hot Springs for that self-critical because it just loosens and softens and and releases that energetic of, there’s something wrong. It’s like being washed in this bath of purity, of innocence. It has this wonderful energetic that just clear stuff out of the way. And shame is one of the big things that it really helps to clear.

Rochana Felde: [00:10:58] And that’s an environmental essence from Alaskan Essences. I also like one of their gem essences for that, and that’s the Rose/Smoky Quartz, which really works in the heart chakra in clearing dense energy from that area and then helping you move from that shadow to acceptance. So it’s moving through and transmuting in this wonderful, comforting energy, it’s safe. It’s another way of– a lot of the– a lot of the essences, whether they’re gem or flowers that work in the heart chakra and help us deal with these uncomfortable feelings, they do so in such a safe way, and so the Smoky Quartz part of the Rose/Smoky Quartz, that combination is really beautiful for this kind of work.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:12:05] I use that essence, you know, darn near endlessly. I use it all the time in formulas. For me, I see that quality of what it repairs of these like angry wounds in your heart. You know, when you have these experiences and they’ve left a mark, they left a black mark in your heart where you just hold a grudge, you know, not– we judge ourselves so much and the essence doesn’t judge. The essence just goes, “Oh, you can let that go. Oh. Yeah, you can let that go.” And then that Rose quality of filling and repairing and restoring the heart chakra, that is a really important essence. I’m glad that you brought that one into play on this topic because, oh my goodness, so beautiful.

Do we want to jump into this judgment voice thing? Because I think that that’s a good next step. I broke it open a little bit, and it’s, God, that voice. I think of it as my inner Joan Rivers, and when I start to– when I start to hear that voice come through like, “Oh honey, oh, you need a rest, you need a break because you’re starting to get really bitchy.” And the best essence for that is Beech. It’s for when you’re feeling beechy, beechy, beechy. And have you worked with Beech too? Do you like to use that?

Rochana Felde: [00:13:32] I do. And yeah, we don’t normally think about it so much as being bitchy towards ourselves. You know, initially it comes up a lot with how maybe you’re acting outwardly in the world, right? So all the things we do outwardly in the world, we also do inwardly to ourselves so that we can use– and we just don’t see it or realize it most of the time. But there it is, and Beech is very nice for that. And also, that Rose/Smoky Quartz is again one that works with that judgment on all levels, and it helps when we’re really critical. I would also add maybe Sphagnum Moss, what do you think about that one?

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Kathleen Aspenns: [00:14:23] Fully agree. Sphagnum Moss. Now we’re both having a hard time saying Sphagnum. Sphagnum Moss, I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced standing on Moss. Mosses, in general, have that wonderful spongy quality and Sphagnum Moss, I know it more from my background in horticulture where we use it as a potting medium, but you touch it and it has that softness to it. It has that soft quality, and it builds up this space of that, everything can just be absorbed down into the Earth. You can just release that. You can just drop in. And it helps when you’re feeling that criticism, that acidity, that internal acidity of harshness toward yourself, that you’re just not who you’re supposed to be, you’re not good enough or whatever it might be that your voice is saying, Sphagnum Moss just goes, “Here now, just be here in this moment and just let it all just drop in to be recycled by the Earth.”

Rochana Felde: [00:15:27] And there’s an aspect to it as well that speaks to how we view our life experiences and turn those into failures in our mind when really they were transformational growing experiences. And I think with the Moss– and so Mosses are just amazing. They are so ancient and they have that quality of almost even being like a rock and having that perspective because, you know, they grow on rocks and they’re just an incredible type of life form. So I think that brings it into having that perspective to see these things that happen in our lives and that we think of ourselves as failures and to see them as growth experiences and that turns it into something to love instead of hate about ourselves or regarding our experience.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:16:31] That is such an important point to reframe our internal conversations around all the ways that we did something wrong because, you know, we’ve all fallen short of who we want to be. We’ve all done things in relationships, in our lives, in interactions that we think like, “Oh God, what a jerk, why did I do that?” Or, “I was unkind,” or whatever mistakes we made, whatever things that we did that didn’t come out the way we wanted them to, but to be able to look at them as experiences and they’ve made me who I am today, and I’m better for them because everybody, everybody falls along the way. And if you’re not falling, you’re not really trying very hard. And that’s also something that some people have real struggles with, with being so afraid to fail that they never try. So I think that those are all– that’s such a wonderful thing to bring into it.

I would love to talk about comparing a little bit. We spend so much time comparing ourselves to other people, especially if we spend any time on social media, you know, we’re constantly being, bombarded is a terrible word, but you know, it’s– you know, you’re looking at everybody’s wonderful life because they’re only posting the best stuff, right? And you’re thinking, “Their life is so much better than my life.” And my life right now is being serenaded by one of my little bird friends, so you get to hear him in the background. But that whole aspect of comparing, especially your physical appearance, I really encourage people to explore working with Pretty Face, which is one of The Flower Essence Society’s essences, and it’s really intriguing to see that it’s in the same family as Star of Bethlehem. So it helps with that kind of re-embodiment. And Pretty Face helps us to see our own unique qualities as beautiful, instead of going, “Oh, if my nose is only a little bit more whatever,” or, “If only I had this,” or “If only, you know, my hair was a different color,” or, “If only I didn’t have this flaw.” Pretty Face helps us to accept and appreciate that that’s what makes us special and interesting and cool. So what do you like for that aspect of that comparisons?

Rochana Felde: [00:18:59] Well, yeah, there are some, you know, flower essences that are really specific for that, like the Pretty Face you talked about. But I also like to just go a little bit more into helping somebody feel that divinity or magnificence that they’re born with, that’s within them, and recognizing that, so that that can in turn come out and all of that more superficial comparisons hopefully don’t matter anymore as much.

You know, there’s a couple that I’ve made and one I call Rootstock Rose. And so the story about this flower is a rose bush that was growing in a place I used to live. And I, you know, saw it out my living room window every day, and it had the just most beautiful red flowers. And it had this really wonderful energy that I tuned into a lot before I ever decided to make an essence with it. And I decided to try to find out what kind of rose it was and, you know, took pictures and posted on forums and all sorts of things in order to get some identification. And what it turns out to– what it turned out to be is somebody had planted a hybrid rose on that property that reverted to its rootstock. So it was now it’s rootstock. Now, I didn’t know anything about this. And if you don’t– if you haven’t heard this term, and Kathleen can explain it better with her horticulture background, but a lot of the specialty roses and hybrid roses, they’re grafted onto a rootstock, and this one is a very common one called the Dr. Huey Rootstock. And so imagine my surprise when so many people on these gardening forums or plant identification forums were kind of like, “Oh, well, it’s reverted to its rootstock, so it’s worthless now. And, you know, cut it all the way back, you know, to the ground and, you know, all of these kinds of things,” to, “You know, oh, it’s– you know, get rid of it or, you know, cut it down because it’s the rootstock.” And, you know, I just thought that was crazy. It was unbelievably beautiful and its energy was so loving and comforting. And that is what came out to me as its lesson is that we are our– you know, we’re born with this magnificence. Our authentic self is magnificent and we don’t have to try to be something we’re not in order to honor that and love that part of ourselves. So that Rose essence, the Rootstock Rose essence, it really works on releasing the shame and guilt and negative emotions that we might direct at not being what we thought we wanted to be, or, you know, this image of what is socially acceptable.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:22:08] Dr. Huey is a really beautiful Rose. Like you say, it’s overlooked and almost by design, right? It’s value is for the roots, right? You know, we don’t really pay attention to its full expression, and I’m really glad that you’ve connected with that rose. I’ve always thought it’s a really lovely rose. It’s nice to see it growing and it’s obviously sturdy as could be and a really cool rose. I like that you’re bringing the focus into the higher octave because we can get very laser-focused on the appearance. And yet, underneath that, I think, is just deep lack of appreciation for our souls expression into this form. And isn’t that sad? We really want to address and soothe that. It’s almost like a beginning level wound because we think that we’re not supposed to be here, that we’re not supposed to be in this form. One of the essences that I think of for this topic is the Ussurian Pear, which is one of my Flora of Asia Essences. And it is a wild pear. And Pear essences in general speak to this quality of purity. But the Ussurian Pear has this octave of recognizing that all your life experiences, everything has put you exactly where you’re supposed to be, and you’re exactly fine just how you are. Everything is how it’s supposed to be. It’s such a core remedy, I think, and this topic is such a core topic for so many of us that to have to overlook it would be wrong. So I’m really glad that you brought it in. What other essences do you like for this real unworthiness process topic?

Rochana Felde: [00:24:10] Yeah. Well, there’s so many. We’ve got a list, so we’re kind of bouncing around on this list looking at things and it’s just like making a– it’s like making a formula that we talk, you know, for a client, and they seem to– when you get into the moment, they seem to just come up and say, “Hey, don’t forget about me and I want to be included.” It’s kind of funny that way.

But one that I just don’t want to skip over is the Alpine Azalea. And that again goes back to that conditional self-acceptance. And you know that quote to, you know, like, how can you love yourself exactly as you are in this moment, not who you think you should be? And the the beauty about Alpine Azalea is that it works on that withholding. So when you don’t do that, when you can’t love all of the pieces and parts of yourself, you know, at the same level, then you’re withholding love. You’re actually withholding love from parts of yourself, which is, over time, it’s just so damaging that we don’t realize that we’re damaging ourselves by doing that. So the Alpine Azalea helps open our hearts to be just all-encompassing with this vibration of love for ourselves and to clear out the doubting and releasing those old patterns.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:25:45] I remember Jane Bell telling a story about making Alpine Azalea, where she and Steve Johnson were, you know, out in the wilds and working with this particular plant. And she said that– you know, she was– you know, when you’re making an essence, you’re in this essence-making state, which brings up all of these issues. And so when you’re making an essence, you’re really experiencing the positive side of the essence and the negative side of the essence. And it’s all coming up. So everything you’re doing is– or everything you experience is information about the essence. And she described how she had been so carefully picking these little tiny flowers because it’s a very small flower, picking these little tiny flowers and, you know, and putting them into the spring water in the bowl. And, you know, she did something like dropping the tweezers, or she fumbled something and was dropping it, and she was mortified. She was just so embarrassed and ashamed and like, “Oh, I did this terribly, and I’m doing this sacred ritual, and I screwed it up.” And she said, Steve just looked over at her and says, “Honey, we’re making an essence and it’s okay.” And she was like, “Oh, I get it. This essence is so much about accepting us, you know, flaws and all. It’s okay. It’s okay, it’s all fine. You know, you’re who you’re supposed to be.”

Rochana Felde: [00:27:14] It’s great to hear that story, and it’s so funny how that does happen during essence-making. I mean, all of these experiences that we’ve talked about before, there are these lessons. It’s like the flower is speaking to us through not just words in our mind, it’s this whole experience and everything that happens to us and all we have to do is pay attention to see what that message is.

So some other ones– I mean, yeah, some other essences that we work with, with unworthiness, I mean, I like Gold. I mean, I just love Gold. And so for so many reasons in a lot of formulas, it’s a really nice one to just balance out formulas. But where it shines is the helping us feel nurtured with our, you know, our inner valued and to know our inner value, to feel it without this lens, looking through this lens of society and how society might judge us, or how we might be have been conditioned growing up to feel about ourselves and to– you know, maybe we don’t value ourselves because our family didn’t value us, or we got messages from our early years that the people around us didn’t value us, and that just carries forward. So Gold helps us see that true inner value, and I find it very empowering. And its empowerment is something that so many of us need in the world, especially women who have grown up not being able to have a voice or feel that value.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:29:08] Gold has this quality, this gem essence has this quality of, I think of it almost as this density because it is, you know, I get is a mineral or a metal. It has this heaviness of value, right? If somebody handed you a gold coin, you would immediately feel it, like, “How much gold is here, you know? How much value is part of what this is.” And gold is incorruptible, right? It could be buried for– a gold ring could be buried in the soil for endless amounts of time and it would emerge looking, you know, once you wash it off a little bit, it’s the same. It doesn’t tarnish, it doesn’t decay, and it has this inherent value that we’ve assigned to it, but we’ll we’ll run with that, because the essence has that quality. It has that ability for you to recognize that you have value. Period. End of sentence. You know? It’s not a negotiable. It’s like, “There you are. You’re valuable.” So I use that a lot in essence formulas as well. I think we practice a lot the same, with some of these essences, a lot the same.

I would want to add in the Night-blooming Cereus into this next step. This is one of Jane Bell’s Hawaiian essences, and I remember making this essence with her a few years ago. And so the Night-blooming Cereus is a very trippy plant. It’s a type of cactus, and it grows like a vine. So already, we’re going into weird territory. And where it grows in this place in Hawaii, it was growing in the trees. I mean, it was growing 50, 75 feet above the house where we were staying. And in the middle of the night or in the certain blooming period of time, we looked up and it was dark and it was as if there were a thousand moons looking down at us because the flowers are gigantic. The flowers are a good like ten-inches across when they’re open, maybe 12. It’s this huge white flower, and it only opens at night and it’s bat pollinated. And one of the really important qualities of it is that there’s a lot of fear associated with this essence because it’s a shadow essence. It blooms at night. And so it illuminates these parts of ourselves that we don’t like, we find scary. We have, you know, its power, but it’s like, it could be bad, we don’t know. So the essence really helps us to illuminate those shadow parts of ourselves where we stuffed all these parts down because they weren’t acceptable, maybe, or they were a little too powerful or a little too, they don’t fit in, and all of those parts want to come out to be expressed in healthy ways. And the Night-blooming Cereus can help us do that, even though, you know, maybe then we won’t fit in quite as well. Well, we never really fit in if we’re having to fit in, right? The Night-blooming Cereus, have you been working with this essence or you use it in your practice? Tell me what your experiences are.

Rochana Felde: [00:32:29] Yeah. And I’m so glad that you were talking about your experience with getting to know it and make it because I find it’s just a transformational essence, and I was a little hesitant to start working with it in the beginning. It has that– I don’t know, it has that aura to it, but, you know, that shadow work, that nighttime work. And you know, what are you going to find when you look right? It’s kind of scary, but it just helps that surrender. You know, it just lets all that fear just kind of just relax and release. And I think that part of it that it helps surrender your self judgment and so many more things that are just in your way, I feel like, so it works on that concept of helping us understand that there really is nothing wrong with us. And I do think it’s a transformational essence to use.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:33:37] Yeah, it’s not necessarily something that you would necessarily start with if somebody was a little shy about this process or not quite ready to embrace all of who they are. And it is, like you say, there’s something intimidating about it and that’s okay and that’s kind of what you expect. I, a lot of times, will start out with this passage of self-acceptance and self-appreciation with looking at that, just the starting the sweet part of the self-appreciation of, you know, you may not be as amazing or as accomplished or as rich or as thin or, you know, whatever it is that we’re comparing ourselves to, but you have beautiful value in yourself. And the message of Buttercup is that. It’s that, “Aren’t you beautiful? Aren’t you special? Isn’t there something wonderful about you?” And Buttercup is one of the The Flower Essence Society, I was just going to abbreviate, FES essences. And it just has that sweet quality of just like, “Who you are is great. You don’t have to go and do all these things or be this person that you’re not. You’re great. You’re lovely.” And it has such a sweet energy to it. So I use it a lot with people who are, you know, kind of really wrestling with it and really having a hard time and kind of can’t get to that place yet. It’s a good starter, gentle appreciation essence.

Rochana Felde: [00:35:12] I think that maybe brings us to this step of letting our authentic selves shine, right. And one that– you know, Buttercup is a wonderful one for that, as is Sunflower. But there’s also the Naked (Self Radiance) Spray by Jane Bells Hawaiian Essences. And I just love that. I know we’ve talked about it before, and I think that you might have a story about that. But you know, it does have a very– it is scented with essential oils and it has Jasmine as the note. So it is just this incredible smell. And I feel like the Jasmine itself, the aroma and the essence are part of that process of feeling your own divinity and then just being able to express it outwardly. So whatever that is, it’s losing the self-consciousness of yourself. It’s letting all of those, your own judgments and self-criticisms just, poof. You know, it’s kind of like, “Whatever. This is me, I’m here.” And Radiance Spray is a wonderful one for that.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:36:45] Yeah, that is so useful. It does come as drops too. So when you’re working with this particular issue, definitely think about using the drops in your water and then using the spray in addition to it. I certainly recommend Naked Spray a lot for any time you have to go on camera or you have to go in front of an audience, or you have to, you know, show up as yourself, “Oh my God, how terrifying is that, you know?” And so many of us have spent a lifetime learning how to blend in, not be noticed, you know, be invisible, almost. And this essence helps you just like, you know, drop that invisibility cloak and just show up like, “This is who I am, people. Enjoy.” And helps you let your own light shine rather than trying to– you know, sometimes we think either we’re invisible or we’re going to do this visibility thing like somebody else. You know, we’re going to try to be this– it’s almost like you’re putting on somebody else’s clothing. You know, you’re trying to fit into this business suit when you’re not a business person, and it’s very awkward to fit. So it helps you to be so much more like at ease and authentic with showing up with who you really are and what you have to share is useful and not what you think people are expecting to hear. It’s such a knotty topic, isn’t it, to learning how to show up? It’s very intriguing to be on camera, right, or to be in front of an audience and to sort of go, all that mental process of what we’re going to do. So just go ahead and give yourself some Naked and show up with your full self.

Rochana Felde: [00:38:37] Everything that you said, it just brought to mind, you know, like memories of taking an acting workshop in junior high school and I was a very shy and and quiet child, and yet, I was totally fine going on stage in the context of acting a different character. Like, because it wasn’t me, and I didn’t have to show myself. I could just lose myself in that other character. And I can understand how other– you know, how actors do that, and yet, that’s not their personality.

So looking back at that and thinking how that just kind of carries forward, you know, when you’re at work and, say, you have to give a presentation or, you know, a lot of us do that by copying how other people did it and how we’ve seen what it looks like it’s a socially acceptable way to act in the office or whatever environment that you’re in. And then we just follow that. And what we’re talking about with flower essences is helping us to let go of the need to– because when we continue doing that over and over again, we’re denying our own self or denying our own personality. We’re denying our essence and we can start to relax our copying of other people and start to bring out our own self so that you can see who we are truly and authentically.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:40:16] It’s such an important part of– people get so depressed when they are constantly having to chip away at who they really are, or they have to keep showing up as somebody who they aren’t. And it’s soul-sucking, you know, to be constantly pretending and not letting your actual feelings, expression, and who you are show. I love that this is coming out for this because it doesn’t seem like it’s the same topic, but I think it actually is. I think it really does have a lot of resonance to this issue of self-acceptance because if we don’t let others see who we are, then how can we be accepting ourselves? We’re not. We’re trying to be somebody who we aren’t. I think of Columbine in this context, and there are several different Columbines available. I tend to use the one from the Flower Essence Society’s Range Of Light. And it has this quality of appreciating your uniqueness of, you know, you’re not trying to be somebody else. You actually just have to be you. And that’s like the best– being you is the best expression of you. You’re not going to be in somebody else’s mold. You’re not going to be doing it like somebody else. But to be able to really reach in and be authentically you, Columbine helps to support that. It’s such a valuable gift that this essence will give us.

Rochana Felde: [00:41:58] And it’s such a unique looking flower. It’s really cool. Depending on the direction that you’re looking at it, it can kind of look like a rocket ship taking off, is how I see it. And it just has that energy of kind of exploration and creativity that are all about– that are coming from you and being able to express that yourself.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:42:27] Yeah, this has been such a fun topic. I’m really enjoying discussing this, and I feel so much more at ease now. It’s been a whole week or two of struggling with this lack of self-acceptance. And yet, when we sit here together to talk to one another in the Zoom space and we bring the flowers into the space and we bring this release of healing, of talking about the flowers and talking about our experiences, it’s amazing how much has shifted with me internally since before we got on the call. So I’m really hoping that you listeners are also feeling these gifts of the flowers, and I hope that it inspires you to try some of these essences because, you know, we all have work to do around this issue of self-acceptance and learning to be kinder to ourselves. It’s a practice. So I’d really love to hear from you how you’re working with this issue and how you’re finding greater self-acceptance, appreciation, and kindness. Do you have any thoughts on that?

Rochana Felde: [00:43:39] Yeah, it’s such an important core issue, and working on it helps us to– like if we can love ourselves, then we can truly love others. But how can we truly love others if we can’t truly love all the aspects of ourselves exactly as we are right now in this very moment? And so it’s a beautiful meditation. It’s a wonderful thing to be aware of, to work with, but not working with in the sense that you have to because there’s something wrong with you if you can’t. So that’s the kind of riddle about it. You don’t– you know, we get caught up in self-improvement. I mean, I do or I have in my lifetime. You know, I like to call myself a recovering, you know, self-improvement junkie now because all of that, “I have to do this better, I have to do that better, I’m not going to be the uber, you know, spiritual this or healer that,” you know, whatever, just let all of that go and just look inside yourself and whatever’s there, love that.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:44:57] Perfect. So on that note, thank you for joining us, everyone. We are happy to have you in this garden, in this circle of the flowers. And we hope that you find a greater amount of self-acceptance and appreciation in this next year. Be well.

Rochana Felde: [00:45:16] Bye-bye now.

Kathleen Aspenns: [00:45:23] This podcast is meant for educational and entertainment purposes only. We are not physicians and do not diagnose, prescribe, or treat medical conditions. Please consult with your own physician or health care practitioner regarding the suggestions and recommendations made by the hosts and guests of The Flower Essence podcast.

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The Flower Essence Podcast