FEP07 Grief and Loss

Show Notes:

Grief is a natural process, not a disorder or illness to be treated. It’s an emotional, physical and spiritual response to change. Flower Essence Therapy seeks to meet the person where they are on their journey and match them with flower essences to support their unique situation.

Flower Essences discussed during the show:

Suggestions:

Dr Alan Wolfelt https://www.centerforloss.com books Understanding Your Grief and Journey Into Grief

Show Transcript

Rochana Felde [00:00:48] Grief is a natural process and not a disorder or an illness to be treated. It’s an emotional, physical and spiritual reaction to change which involves losing something in your life. Moving, changing jobs, ending a relationship, and especially, the death of a loved one, are common causes of grief. Flower Essence Therapy seeks to meet a person where they are on their journey and match that person with essences to support their unique situation. Hey Kathleen. Great to be with you again. What are some essences that you like to use supporting someone on their journey with grief? 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:01:39] Hi Ro, it is nice to be here again, and I always enjoy spending time with you. You know, grief is such an interesting topic, because it is a natural part of life, like you were saying, and I think that if we look at essences from the perspective of helping us process grief, and helping us move through grief, that’s the approach that I try to take with clients. Talking to them about my view on grief, it being something that we work our way through, and then we have all these emotions that we need to work through as we go, rather than that there’s an essence that can suppress or help you avoid experiencing it. Do you think that that’s kind of a different perspective? I think that that our culture is not “grief literate” in the least. And, we think that grief is this discrete thing that happens for about a week or two maybe, you know, once the funeral is over, you should be back to normal. What do you think? 

Rochana Felde [00:02:47] Absolutely. You know nobody really wants to talk about it, and it’s very challenging for the person going through it because it’s not supported by society, especially if it goes on much longer than, as you say, a couple of weeks or so. I’ve been reading books by Dr. Alan Wolfelt lately and he wrote the books Understanding Your Grief and Journey Into Grief. And I really love his writings on this. Rather than treating it as a psychologist, companioning that person and what they’re going through. And he has something called the six needs of mourning that are first, accept the reality of the death. Let yourself feel the pain of the loss. Remember the person who died. Develop a new self identity. Search for meaning, and let others help you. So this is a more gentle, supportive, nurturing way to walk through this journey. I feel that flower essences are a perfect way to match those needs rather than it being steps or phases or anything like that. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:04:18] Oh yeah, I like that approach. I haven’t read that work, it sounds really interesting. And both of us have have been walking a grief journey and really experiencing it deeply from the inside which I think informs our work. And it can help us with others who are also experiencing it. You know, I think that learning a little bit more about the Kubler-Ross stages of grief – she never intended those to be linear stages, just segments of grief. But I think that it got turned into “well, now I’m in this phase, and the next I’ll be moving on to that phase”. But it’s such an organic process, and it just loops around, and in each season, and each segment of your grieving process you’re going to revisit things. And having essences to help support you can be an incredible help, and give you a container for that grief rather than making it go away. And I think that I like that companioning concept. 

Rochana Felde [00:05:26] Yeah it’s a great word. And I’ll just tell the listeners, I recently, six months ago, lost my father and Kathleen graciously offered to make me a custom essence. So you know that the process of Flower Essence Therapy, it was great to have that support. Even though I do this for other people, it’s almost impossible to really do it for yourself. So having a support system, and letting people help you is such a big part of that process, and I’ll just thank you again Kathleen for that support because it was so helpful at that time. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:06:14] Well it was my pleasure to be able to offer that to you. And really, I was paying it forward because when I lost my mother coming on five years now, a fellow practitioner offered to me in the same way. And I think that it’s one of those things, that when we’re in that place we often have a hard time reaching out for help because we’re just so deep into it. But to the degree you can, I’d really recommend for everyone to just ask for help and find an ally. And you’ll really get to know your friends in a new way. And those who have had grief experiences are gonna be really helpful to you, and those who haven’t had them yet are not really going to be able to understand what you’re going through. 

Rochana Felde [00:06:59] So true. It’s just so true. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:07:04] You know for anybody who’s listening, who’s experiencing grief, you know that it runs this huge gamut. You know, we’re talking about the grief of a parent, certainly the loss of a person in our life is a huge loss. But there are many, many other losses that take place in our lives, from moving, or changing jobs, or changing schools, all of these things are grief experiences as well. And thank goodness we have the essences to help us. 

Rochana Felde [00:07:38] Yeah. And when you lose a person, depending on the role that they had in your life, that experience is very different for everyone. It’s different for all the people who lost that person. Each person has a different experience, and then depending on who they were in your life that can really impact your identity in different ways. And so I like flower essences to assist with those pieces too. If losing someone that you were in a relationship, or married to for decades, and relied on, and now you don’t know how to do various things without them. That’s a whole piece of it. So in addition to the grief, that person is trying to to navigate concepts of identity, and confidence, etc. It all can come up in different ways. If you are losing a father, that can have different aspects than, for example, losing a mother. So, it’s all related, but can it impact us in different ways. I think different flower essences can assist in these specific, unique combinations of experience. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:09:09] Right. And I think that this might be a good time to introduce what I consider the grief first aid formula, which is Grief Relief from the Flower Essence Society. I recommend that a lot, especially in that initial phase where it’s shock as much as anything else. I think that a rescue or first aid kind of formula is extraordinarily helpful to help stabilize someone at first. And then later, there will be a time when they need something more specific or tailored. But it’s really good to know that it exists and that it’s available. Is Grief Relief one that you use a lot too? 

Rochana Felde [00:09:48] I do. I do love it. It has all the key elements for grief and you know it comes in that convenient spray for people. I do like that a lot. Well, you know there are some great formulas. Alaskan Essences has Soul Support and Calling All Angels that I use. And then, have you tried that Benediction oil? I love that. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:10:17] I just gave a bottle of that to a friend whose mother was in the hospital, and the whole family was there. And there was just so much going on, and I just said “Here take this and everyone put it on your heart and it will help.” It gives you this container to hold your heart as you go through something really difficult and painful. And also I like it just in general. I love to use it when I’m feeling like I need a little more support. 

Rochana Felde [00:10:43] Absolutely. I recommend it all the time and the fact that it has that “rosy” smell, that beautiful scent, and that you can just apply it right to the heart. It really gets in there and gives people a loving container on their body. So yeah, I had only just discovered that blend last November and it helped me immensely. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:11:17] And I think maybe we could explain all of that. So, the Grief Relief formula is a flower essence formula that is available from the Flower Essence Society. And it’s a combination formula blend, with a number of different flower essences in it. And I think they also add a little bit of essential oil, I forget what the essential oil is. So it has a little bit of a flavor. I think it’s minty, is that right? 

Rochana Felde [00:11:40] Lemon balm. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:11:41] And so it’s not  pure “true” flower essence. It has a little bit of a smell and taste. And then there’s Benediction oil. Is a topical use oil which is infused with some essential oils and it’s also infused with the flower essences. So it’s a different way of using flower essences that it allows you to use it topically. And it’s it’s quite easy to understand because it really it smells good and it feels good. It’s a nice bridge for using flower essences. 

Rochana Felde [00:12:18] Yeah. Thanks for that. But, speaking of roses, they’re so key in supportive formulas, especially for grief and for the heart chakra. And I know that you have some very special roses in your collection. You want to talk about some of those? 

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[00:52:39] This podcast is meant for educational and entertainment purposes only. We are not physicians and do not diagnose prescribe or treat medical conditions. Please consult with your own physician or health care practitioner regarding the suggestions and recommendations made by the hosts and guests of the flower essence podcast. 

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