FEP03 Self Confidence

In this episode, we discuss flower essences to build your self confidence, giving you courage to take on new challenges and be seen.

Flower Essences discussed during the show:

Show Transcript

Rochana Felde [00:00:10] Welcome to the Flower Essence podcast and join us on an exploration of the healing wisdom of flowers.

With combined decades of experience in the study and practice of flower essence therapy, Kathleen Aspenns and co-host Rochana Felde guide you to reconnect to nature with these potent vibrational remedies. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:00:42] Hi I’m Kathleen Aspenns and I’m here with Rochana Felde. Today we’re going to be talking about confidence. There are many aspects of confidence and we have a long list of essences and aspects about how to build your confidence, how to build up that concern that you might have about being seen or heard. There’s lots of different aspects to it. What is the first part that you’d like to start with? 

Rochana Felde [00:01:07] I’d like to think about what’s beneath self-confidence. You know what, what I think of confidence itself as trusting your abilities and judgment in order to do something to achieve a task or perform. And, then what makes that happen, why is that you don’t have that, is what I like to look at. And it’s the self-esteem aspect of it is what I look at. And then, how is self-esteem fed. The definition of that is more of a belief in yourself and your own self-worth and abilities. And then what feeds that self-worth? Is it a love for yourself, you know a healthy respect for yourself? Or is it is it being built up by ego. And so there’s slight variations to this terminology, but when I work with a client I like to dig back further into what’s the root cause of a confidence issue. If that person has self-esteem, what kind of self-esteem do they have? What’s feeding it? And if it’s ego, or if they’re basing their self esteem on their job, or how much money they make, or what kind of car they drive, and not something deeper in believing in themselves, then that’s where things start falling apart. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:02:53] Yeah totally. And I like that your approach like mine, is to look underneath what it is because you’re afraid of something or you’re not feeling confident. OK, well let’s sort of unpack that a little bit and find out what’s what’s resting underneath. Sometimes there’s a negative voice that one’s hearing, maybe it’s a voice of a parent, or a voice of a teacher that tells you you can’t do something or you’re not good enough. Those sorts of voices… It’s really worthwhile to start getting in and getting some essences that will help counteract those voices because there’s no amount of sort of will forces that will push you into doing something successfully. If you’ve got those voices going on in the background all the time. 

Rochana Felde [00:03:38] Absolutely, quieting that inner critic. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:03:43] And there’s just so many different aspects of that. You know, it can be coming from a bunch of different places. But I think that what you’re talking about is really interesting, about where your will to live is coming from. That sense of confidence, and taking exciting action and doing things you know I think that when we worry a lot about the notion of ego. It is something that I dance with a lot because I think that the ego has been unfairly demonized. You know there are certainly ego maniacs and that’s not great, but our ego is part of how we interact with the world. If we don’t have any ego at all, we’re just like a little lump, and we can do great meditation maybe on our cushion, but let’s go do something in the world. And I think that building up that sense of mission and drive and energy is a big part of helping build confidence. 

Rochana Felde [00:04:38] I have an interesting story about that actually. You know and I was thinking back about my career and my life. I was a dot.com developer in the 90s, I was designing Web sites and it was a highly competitive environment. And, as a woman, in the 90s, in that tech world that was dominated by men. I had to really develop my ego to have any place at the table whatsoever, to get that job. This is in San Francisco so it was highly competitive. And I did it. I got there, I was doing that job, I was highly successful. I was married to my first husband and he was a part owner. We were a part owner in a nightclub. All these things were happening. And then my husband died. The nightclub failed, and the dot bomb happened. So you know the tech industry crumbled in that at that time the first dot bomb happened, and I got laid off. So all within about a year. And there was a sort of a slow burn on my confidence and then by the time that year was over it had just totally crashed. And then, tech jobs were very hard to get, and I was unemployed for for some time and my confidence was so low in in myself and what I could do in trying to to get work. You know, at one point I was called to do some consulting by a former employer, who asked me if I could do a shopping cart for them. And I was surprised, I didn’t think I could. You know, I didn’t think that I could do it. I’m surprised they were even asking me. Whereas, a couple of years before that, I would have been completely confident that I could do it or I would have been able to fake it until I made it. It took me a while, but I recalibrated and sort of regained my bearings. But when I look back at that, and think about Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, safety and love are all part of that base of the pyramid – before you get self esteem. All of that was just taken away from me. And because my confidence was built on a foundation of only ego, and not a true self love and self-worth for myself, when that went away it was the rug was pulled out from me. And I was left in a crisis with nothing. So I do agree that ego is so important and needed in certain ways. But if there’s nothing holding that up – that speaks to me believing in myself, regardless of my job, or who I’m with, or what my success level is – then that’s what I like to focus on. Making sure to get in there, to that layer of support, and feed that self-worth so you can put the ego on top of it. But the ego can’t replace it, if that makes sense. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:08:19] I see the ego as being something of a guiding light. It is something that helps you overcome obstacles rather than it being the foundation of everything you do. I mean the shattering experience that you endured – that’s how I would characterize it. I mean literally you’re rebuilding from rubble. You know everything  you know is just, poof! Completely gone. That’s kind of an Echinacea experience. The flower essence Echinacea is really helpful for reconstituting the star of you after those sorts of really shattering experiences. And I think that as you obviously know, from from enduring that sort of situation, if a client is coming to you and telling you that they have this and asking, “what Essence is for that?” You have to say, this is gonna be a process. There’s going to be time involved, and a lot of inner work in order to start to put yourself back together again after all that. And you’re not going to get right back to where you were instantaneously. It’s gonna take some time to rebuild that foundation. 

Rochana Felde [00:09:29] It’s such a process. And of course, I didn’t have flower essences at the time. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:09:37] Well, that would have helped. I guess we get what we need when we need it.  Wow, that’s quite an experience. I think that one of the other essences that I’d be thinking of for that type of situation would be Sunflower. Sunflower is such a beautiful essence, to help build up those ego and soul forces so that you can follow that guiding light of your life. If you think about the action of what a sunflower does it’s heliotropic. So it follows the sun across the sky and it has that healthy ego, because it stands up tall, and it sets its flower way up at the top. But it’s following that light – it’s following that higher light of being, rather than some false light of ego. 

Rochana Felde [00:10:26] I love those heliocentric flowers. They’re so special. 

Kathleen Aspenns [00:10:31] And I think that when we’re dealing with confidence we are dealing with a lot of the golden color. A lot of those types of flowers that express that pattern. What are some of the essences that you like to use?

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 [00:39:28] This podcast is meant for educational and entertainment purposes only. We are not physicians and do not diagnose prescribe or treat medical conditions. Please consult with your own physician or health care practitioner regarding the suggestions and recommendations made by the hosts and guests of the flower essence podcast. 

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FEP04 Flower Essence 101

August 14, 2019